Courtesy Interest, or How to Avoid Being a Victim of Manipulators

Some people, working on a solution to a certain problem, willingly take the trouble to help friends or colleagues who find themselves in a similar situation. In other words, they take on some of the responsibility of others. Often, interest shown out of politeness or out of friendship becomes a cause of unnecessary difficulty.

In any team there is an employee who is called irreplaceable. But upon closer inspection, public praise can turn out to be a skillfully veiled manipulation of other people’s abilities. How not to turn from a volunteer to a servant?

How to politely say “No!”

Tactful refusal is a great opportunity to relinquish additional loads without stopping interaction with the team. You need to say no so as not to be among the unresponsive workers. Experts suggest taking this important step using one of the following techniques.

Method one. After listening carefully to the request, express your willingness to take action immediately after such important details are clarified:

  • What obstacles can arise in the course of the work?
  • What people should I contact for additional clarification, if necessary?
  • Which operations should be performed first and which ones should be left for later?

It is desirable to complete the clarification of the details with an innocent request: to voice the order of actions again, in order to avoid misunderstandings. After such a conversation, the opponent will surely understand that he needs a more understanding assistant.

Method two. To fulfill the imposed duties so that in the future it would not occur to anyone to make such a request.

Method three. Transfer to the applicant part of his work or household duties, for which now there will be no time left.

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Interest in others is not a guarantee of physical participation

Difficulties in life will deprive the volunteer of his inner comfort if, helping others, he cannot solve his own problems. Practicing psychologists offer the following way out of the situation: to imagine people in the social circle as casual fellow travelers. Now you can observe them and ask about the details of their life, but not take the information received to heart.

Allowing the interlocutor to “cry into the vest”, without looking up from solving their own life tasks, a sympathetic person will not justify other people’s hopes, but will not waste his own reserves.

Kindness needs boundaries

person showing interest

A person who shows interest in the emotional state of others and accepts their troubles as his own runs the risk of launching a program of self-destruction. Experts recommend that such people learn to distance themselves from the negative effects of extraneous emotions, giving priority to their own.

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