The boss complains about the difficult situation in the company, so you have to perform some of the responsibilities that are not spelled out in your employment contract? A distant relative sighs sadly and complains of high blood pressure, and then the topic of conversation turns to the ground, which must be dug up in the country? If you have faced similar situations, then this topic is definitely for you.
How to communicate with manipulators? This question, probably, asked himself almost every person who had to intersect with people of this type. Communication with them is quite an interesting but difficult process. Many people fall under the influence of manipulators and cannot get off this “hook”. This is a difficult situation, since such individuals actively use their tools to influence other people. Usually this is flattery, well-built blackmail and a game of guilt.
Often they still use energy vampirism. Therefore, people in their environment tend to spend not only their money and time, but also their own life resources.
Many are faced with the question of how to communicate with a manipulating mom. It would seem that you cannot just take and ignore a dear and dear person. In such a situation, people realize that they have a manipulator in front of them, and they have to arbitrarily follow him.
We understand perfectly well that a person plays his role perfectly. Moreover, he achieves everything through simple dialogue. Most people understand everything that is happening, but they are unable to renounce such connections or tell a loved one about their refusal.
Why is this happening?
Most people are unable to answer the question of how to communicate with manipulative people. Some say that they cannot isolate themselves from the society of such people. There are cases of bilateral manipulation, when people tolerate each other for some benefit. But still, most often the problem lies precisely in one-sided manipulation.
Some people tend to lead a life of “victim”, so they cannot say another “no” to a request that they do not want to fulfill. Perhaps they do not have enough courage, or maybe they do not want to offend the person. This is especially true of close people who have already perfected the skill of manipulation on relatives so much that it sometimes goes unnoticed.
Feel free to express your thoughts and opinions
As long as you are afraid to show your own self, you will not be able to understand how to communicate with a manipulator – a man or a woman. Do not try to remain silent in a situation where this is absolutely impossible to do. You shouldn’t be afraid to defend your point of view and views. If you do not understand this, then you will almost always have to live by orders. Moreover, under the influence of manipulators, most people begin to think with imposed opinions.
People who prefer to leave control of their lives in the hands of another person, while they themselves are ready to simply go with the flow, often become victims of manipulators. It is in your interest and power to answer the person in person about what you really think about this or that situation. And until you learn how to do this, you will be constantly used.
A huge number of women are interested in the question of how to communicate with a manipulating husband. This question is so relevant that it does not go unnoticed among psychologists. It is very difficult to say no to your chosen one when you depend on him. But! Even if you have lived together for more than 10 years and already agree with his behavior, then this is not a reason to continue living like this. It is important to understand that manipulation is a very insidious tool, not only for the person who uses it, but also for the person at whom it is directed. With experience, people who want to subjugate those around them stop noticing that they bring pain to their loved ones. Why is this happening? Manipulation became a habit with them.
Probably, you have noticed among your environment people who carry out all the orders of their superiors that are not part of their work duties. What’s more, these dedicated employees do not require any additional payments or bonuses. The worst thing is that they are sure that sooner or later their work will be rewarded. But! The manipulator’s task is precisely to “ride” such people and not give them anything in return. If you face such situations on a regular basis, then learn to fight back, otherwise your “professional” responsibilities will grow, and you will receive nothing from it.
Only you are responsible for your life
Adult children often ask psychologists questions about how to communicate with a manipulating mother. Some relatives tend to impose their “world view” on close people. In addition, they try to teach you how to live right and act in accordance with their opinion. People tend to be afraid to answer something contrary to their loved ones. Therefore, so often their point of view fades into the background. In this case, you need to understand that your life implies only your rules, only you have the right to dispose of it. Believe me, no one will be responsible for their words if you decide to do what your relative told you, and this advice led to a disastrous result. Some people are able to understand this in theory, while someone needs to “step on the same rake” several times to understand this.
Keep your distance
Before choosing the tactics of communicating with a manipulator – a woman or a man – you should understand that such people are able to deftly change masks. With some people they can be polite and prudent, with others rude and anxious, and with others they can be completely helpless. Moreover, sometimes the manipulator can change masks with the same person, depending on his needs and interests.
If you notice such a person in your environment, then you should learn to maintain a safe distance with him. Don’t let him overstep your personal boundaries.
Remember that most often manipulators have been practicing their talent since childhood. Therefore, it makes no sense to try to re-educate such a person. By making any attempt, you risk losing a lot of strength, time and energy.
Learning to say no
The most powerful weapon in deciding how to stop communicating with a manipulator is rejection. Don’t be afraid to say no to someone who is clearly trying to take advantage of you. Remember that only you have the right to plan your time.
Once you get the job done, you may feel guilty. It also needs to be fought with. It is not your fault that you do not want to do something, it is entirely your choice and your decision. You shouldn’t be ashamed. Try to remember this! Once again, say a clear “no” without worry and fear of offending someone.
Some people are afraid to refuse because they risk losing a good relationship from the person. Others consider it impolite and rude. Do not worry, because in relation to a manipulator such fears are meaningless, because he pursues the only goal – “to ride someone on horseback.”
Tips for rejection
How to communicate with a female manipulator at work? It is believed that the professional sphere is precisely the environment in which one can most often meet people of this type. Here are some tips that work great when you need to fight back:
- Don’t hide your frustration or annoyance with a request or demand. Don’t be afraid to seem like a resentful or extremely unhappy person. By showing your true feelings, you make it clear to the other person that you are uncomfortable with his intrusion into your territory. You can openly express your emotions with phrases: “it makes me angry”, “I shouldn’t do this” and so on.
- Say no clearly and give a short explanation of your answer.
- Offer the manipulator your own solution to his problem. And preferably without your help.
- Listen calmly to your opponent’s demands, and then pause for a long time. Let her fully express herself.
- Repeat your failure again. And then say the action you are not going to perform. In this case, there is a high probability that this information will reach the interlocutor.
How to communicate with a manipulator – a man or a woman – is quite understandable. Unfortunately, most people are so open that they don’t always manage to fight back. In this case, it is worth working on yourself in order to understand that you are obliged to do only those things that benefit you.
Do not hurry
One of the most beloved methods is to catch your victim by surprise. The fact is that when a person is unexpectedly approached with a request, it is much more difficult for him to refuse. That is why it is worth using the time factor. You don’t have to agree right away, always answer what you think, and then you can definitely answer. This pause will allow you to assess the real situation and weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. In addition, this technique is great for people who find it very difficult to refuse.
As mentioned above, it is sometimes difficult to resist manipulators, but possible.
To do this, you will have to work a lot on yourself, learn to distinguish between different forms and manifestations of manipulation, and also evaluate the behavior of your partner in different situations.
Some people rely on their intuition. And it works! Unfortunately, we rarely listen to her, but it would be worth it. The fact is that people tend to justify the actions and actions of others, even in the most unacceptable situations, and manipulators actively use this.
Listen to your inner voice. If you feel uncomfortable with a person or feel uncomfortable, there may be something wrong with your communication. Try to understand if the person is using you for their own ends.
It is believed that manipulation is mainly committed by extroverts. And the hardest thing for them is to conduct a dialogue with introverts. It is difficult for them to be in the same room with them, and communication sometimes becomes unbearable. This is your weapon! You can be silent for a long time before answering the manipulator. Make a cryptic look and smile a little, then pause for a longer time. Keep silent about the next phrase too. The manipulator must see that you are listening to him, you do not need to look around while talking to him. Concentrate on the conversation. After a while, state that you completely agree with the opinion of your interlocutor, but such a complex topic takes time to think. Sooner or later, the manipulator will lose patience with the introvert and will find a victim with whom it will be easier to negotiate.
It is very difficult when you are surrounded by human manipulators. How to communicate in a family with relatives who prefer to “ride” you? Experienced manipulators often act as saviors or victims. This is the best way to win over a person. The highest aerobatics in dealing with such people is to break the whole course and the rules of their game. If the manipulator wants to get any help or benefit from you, then switch to victim mode. Complain about anything. This can be: an angry dog at the entrance, debts to the bank or friends, bad weather. It is human nature to sympathize, and the manipulator is far from an insensitive person. When he starts offering you help in rescuing, turn him into a victim. Note his age, high blood pressure, tired appearance, and then say some comforting words about his grudge against your comments. A manipulator who finds himself in such a situation will not want to continue his game with you, and soon he will completely stop trying to use you for his own purposes. Why waste your time on people like you, if there are many “victims” around, with whom it is much easier to negotiate.
And remember that only you decide whether to fall for the tricks of manipulators or not.