How to influence a person: methods and methods in psychology

Learning to influence other people is not easy. However, knowing the intricacies of psychology will help you learn how to do this. It takes a lot of practice, but eventually the behavior we recommend in this article will become a habit. So how to influence a person?

There are many ways. However, Dale Carnegie gave the most effective advice to his readers. How to influence people, he told in his book “How to win friends …”. This is the most famous book of the famous writer and speaker. The advice he gives is very valuable. We’ll also discuss most of his recommendations.

Can people be manipulated?

Of course you can. However, it is important to consider: you will not be able to hypnotize the right person. But it is quite possible to convince. And the highest degree of skill is to make him believe that he himself made this decision. How to achieve this? First of all, you should build a relationship based on mutual sympathy. Self-confident people with eloquence and sincerity always enlist the support of others.

Before you start practicing influencing other people, think about why you need it. You need a specific goal. Without it, you are unlikely to achieve success in this field.

A smile is our everything

smile is our everything

She disposes of interlocutors to each other. She demonstrates friendliness and willingness to cooperate. We unconsciously have sympathy for those who greet us with a smile. And in response, we begin to smile in the same infectious manner. Moreover, the smile must be sincere. People at a subconscious level recognize falsehood.

In addition, a sincere smile affects your emotional state and increases your mood at times. It reduces stress and stimulates mental activity. Therefore, smile as often as possible.

Approval, not criticism

Dale Carnegie notes that the desire of people to receive praise from others is very strong. Therefore, if you want to gain someone’s favor and willingness to provide services, you must show yourself to be grateful and generous in praise, and not prone to criticism.

Thus, Abraham Lincoln in his youth often ridiculed his opponents. Until one of the people offended by him challenged him to a duel. Since then, Abraham has learned to be more tolerant of the shortcomings of others. During the Civil War, when his associates spoke harshly about the southerners, he even remarked: “Do not criticize them. In such circumstances, we would be exactly the same.”

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It takes a strong character and even the ability to empathize in order not to judge others and to forgive them for mistakes and imperfections. Never criticize someone, especially in the company of other people.

Learn to genuinely praise people, and often thank and apologize when needed. A certain way of thinking will help you achieve sincerity with others. Poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson argued that every person he met was superior to him in some way. And you should always be ready to consider these merits and acknowledge them.

Show participation and interest

sincere interest

Benjamin Disraeli once said: “Talk to a person about himself and he will listen to you for hours.”

People are primarily interested in themselves, so they are always pleased to meet a person who shares this interest. Psychologists advise talking less and listening more. Anyone who does not know how to listen and constantly talks about himself is an egoist who cannot evoke positive emotions in others.

Ask your interlocutor more often questions on topics of interest to him and nod sympathetically in response to his remarks. Sigmund Freud was able to show his interest in the interlocutor so skillfully that he relaxed and talked about all his secret experiences.

Before meeting with a new acquaintance, Theodore Rooseveld carefully prepared – he studied his hobbies, since he understood that the way to a person’s heart lies through the discussion of his interests. Moreover, he also set aside time to communicate with the staff and learn more about each person. He knew the names of all the servants. The latter treated him with great sympathy. He showed people that he appreciated them – and received much more in return.

Call by name often

subconsciousness and consciousness

The sound of one’s own name is pleasant to everyone. Dale Carnegie believed that it is part of the personality and as if confirms the fact of its existence. This makes the interlocutor feel positive emotions towards whoever pronounces his name.

Dale Carnegie also advises memorizing (or better to write down) important information about the right people. For example, date of birth, marital status, number of children. This will help to achieve the location of the person and have a significant impact on him if necessary.

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Avoid controversy

dispute or not?

They say that in a dispute, truth is born. However, psychologists say that in practice, each opponent has his own opinion. Therefore, in essence, the dispute is an absolutely useless waste of time and effort.

By arguing, you are trying to prove to the person that they are wrong. That is, you consider yourself much smarter and more experienced than him in this matter. And even so, you are degrading the dignity of another person.

As a result, both sides have a conflict potential, which easily develops into a conflict situation. Moreover, it will not lead to anything good. However, you will part as enemies.

Dale Carnegie, explaining how to influence a person, advises not to enter into polemics at all. Of course, you can also express your opinion. However, be sure to add that this is just your point of view. At the same time, Carnegie advises to consider the opinion of another person in more detail, before proving the opposite with foaming at the mouth.

However, if an argument is unavoidable, try to remain cool and confident. Consider your own arguments carefully before the conversation. Your opinion must be supported by facts that the interlocutor cannot refute. Only then will you win this controversy.

Admit your mistakes

impact on a person

Dale Carnegie advises learning to admit that you are wrong. Moreover, this must be done before the interlocutor points out to you. Admit your mistake quickly and decisively. Thus, you will satisfy the self-esteem of the interlocutor, and a little later he will decide to show leniency and generously forgive you.

Carnegie himself once used his tactics on a minister of the law. He found him walking with the dog in the park without a muzzle. However, Dale didn’t let him press charges, sincerely assuring him that he was very sorry for his wrongdoing and wouldn’t do that again. As a result, the policeman released him without a fine. Yes, and you must agree that criticizing yourself is much more pleasant than letting others do it.

Take advantage of your opponent’s weakness

correct behavior

Note that a tired person is more receptive to the other person’s reasoning or beliefs. The thing is that fatigue affects the level of mental energy, reducing it. If you ask a tired person for a favor, you will most likely get the following response: “Okay, I’ll do it tomorrow.” The good news is that he will most likely do it anyway. After all, people who do not fulfill their promises suffer from psychological discomfort.

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If you need to ask someone for a favor, the rule of three yes is a good idea. Your first few remarks should make the other person want to agree with you. For example: “What a beautiful tie! Probably a branded item?” After two affirmative replies, your interlocutor will agree to fulfill any of your requests.


Repeat your own words after the interlocutor often, but in a different context. This will cause a flash of friendship towards you. This technique is especially often used by psychotherapists.

Moreover, many people, when communicating, begin to subconsciously copy the behavior of the interlocutor, his facial expressions and gestures. This is how people influence others. However, this can be done for a specific purpose. After all, people tend to be sympathetic to those who are similar to them.

Influencing others with intonation

intonation is important

A person’s activity is influenced by his subconsciousness. You just need to get to it, bypassing the alert consciousness. For this, psychologists recommend using intonation.

Imagine that you are in a group of people who need to be attuned to receive positive emotions. You start telling them about some neutral or funny event (watching a movie, talking to a child, etc.), emphasizing intonation words such as “pleasant”, “funny”, “relaxed”. You can even pronounce them with a constellation. People listening to you automatically try these images on themselves – and now the atmosphere in the room is much less tense.

The main thing is to make sure that you do not inadvertently give people a negative attitude. How to have a negative impact on a person? It’s very simple – you just need to highlight words like “bad”, “sad”, “tragic” in intonation.


Now you know the seemingly insignificant factors that influence a person. These types of manipulations are especially effective in business. When you have to interact with a large number of colleagues, knowing how to influence a person is very important. Moreover, this must be done in such a way that he does not convict you of this. Now you know how to influence a person.

In personal life, such techniques can also come in handy. Therefore, feel free to practice them on your loved ones and watch the effect you manage to achieve.

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